Richard Dansky (rdansky) wrote,

How to get from Durham to Toronto in a Few Easy Steps That Include Detroit

  • Realize that I need to be up around 4 in the AM, and thus go to bed early.
  • Realize that it doesn't matter if I go to bed early, as my body refuses to believe anything not in single digits qualifies as "bedtime"
  • Try not to disturb sleeping spouse, who really has done nothing to deserve any of this.
  • Fall asleep around 1:30 AM
  • Wake up in blind panic, convinced I have overslept.
  • Attempt to turn on cell phone to get a look at what time it is.
  • Attempt to type in password.
  • Fail.
  • Attempt to type in password again.
  • Fail.
  • Attempt to type in password again.
  • Fail.
  • Attempt to type in password again.
  • Fail.
  • Consider possibility of being locked out of cell phone, which is also being used as my alarm clock.
  • Quietly freak out.
  • Attempt to type in password very slowly.
  • Fail.
  • Curse under my breath.
  • Type in password.
  • Succeed.
  • Realize it is now 2 AM.
  • Curse more.
  • Double-check alarm time.
  • Turn cell phone off again.
  • Fall asleep again at 3.
  • Get up at 3:59 in acute awareness that cell phone is about to go off. Decide this is my mutant power.
  • Get up and turn off alarm.
  • Brush teeth, which somehow triggers a nosebleed.
  • Interrupt tooth brushing long enough to stop nosebleed.
  • Ascertain that nosebleed did not get blood in the toothpaste, and finish brushing teeth.
  • Get dressed and grab luggage.
  • Head to airport.
  • Arrive at airport at 4:45. Be astonished that there is parking.
  • Perform awkward luggage dance to the amusement of fellow travelers.
  • Head to terminal. Attempt to check at Delta kiosk using passport.
  • Fail.
  • Attempt to check in at Delta kiosk using credit card.
  • Fail.
  • Attempt to check in at Delta kiosk using entirely different kiosk.
  • Fail.
  • Debate having a nosebleed all over Delta kiosk, and instead try confirmation number, which works.
  • Nearly have a coronary when successful checkin then asks for passport scan.
  • Get on plane.
  • Fly to Detroit.
  • Walk to appropriate gate at Detroit, pausing for breakfast.
  • Note that they're lined up 20 deep at the Einstein Brothers bagel stand, and decide to be afraid.
  • Listen to announcement at gate that our flight crew is trapped in Tulsa, and won't be arriving until 12:30. Delta promises to try to find another flight crew, but, well,  no promises.
  • Half an hour later, listen to announcement that there will be no alternate crew, we'll be leaving at 12:30, and that under no circumstances should anyone leave the gate area because we might get another flight crew and leave before 12:30.
  • Watch everyone leave the gate area.
  • Send details of holdup to beloved spouse. Beloved spouse suggests turning around and coming home before plane gets eaten by Godzilla.
  • Confess that beloved spouse has a point.
  • Eventually, get on plane.
  • Sit on plane.
  • Sit on plane a while longer.
  • Sit on plane until captain announces that the jetbridge is stuck and we're not going anywhere until they unstick it.
  • Resist urge to suggest they try soap and hot water.
  • Sit a while longer.
  • Sit even longer.
  • Listen to announcement that there is a new development, in that there are checked bags belonging to passengers who did not appear to get on the plane. As such, the TSA is removing the bags.
  • Realize that this means unpacking and repacking entire plane.
  • Mention this to beloved spouse over IM.
  • Beloved spouse makes more noises about inevitability of being nommed by Godzilla.
  • Eventually, and without fanfare, take off.
  • Land in Toronto. Go through customs. Get luggage. Get nosebleed. Reflect on circular nature of life.



Tags: detroit, nosebleeds, toronto, travel, tsa
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