- Realize that I need to be up around 4 in the AM, and thus go to bed early.
- Realize that it doesn't matter if I go to bed early, as my body refuses to believe anything not in single digits qualifies as "bedtime"
- Try not to disturb sleeping spouse, who really has done nothing to deserve any of this.
- Fall asleep around 1:30 AM
- Wake up in blind panic, convinced I have overslept.
- Attempt to turn on cell phone to get a look at what time it is.
- Attempt to type in password.
- Fail.
- Attempt to type in password again.
- Fail.
- Attempt to type in password again.
- Fail.
- Attempt to type in password again.
- Fail.
- Consider possibility of being locked out of cell phone, which is also being used as my alarm clock.
- Quietly freak out.
- Attempt to type in password very slowly.
- Fail.
- Curse under my breath.
- Type in password.
- Succeed.
- Realize it is now 2 AM.
- Curse more.
- Double-check alarm time.
- Turn cell phone off again.
- Fall asleep again at 3.
- Get up at 3:59 in acute awareness that cell phone is about to go off. Decide this is my mutant power.
- Get up and turn off alarm.
- Brush teeth, which somehow triggers a nosebleed.
- Interrupt tooth brushing long enough to stop nosebleed.
- Ascertain that nosebleed did not get blood in the toothpaste, and finish brushing teeth.
- Get dressed and grab luggage.
- Head to airport.
- Arrive at airport at 4:45. Be astonished that there is parking.
- Perform awkward luggage dance to the amusement of fellow travelers.
- Head to terminal. Attempt to check at Delta kiosk using passport.
- Fail.
- Attempt to check in at Delta kiosk using credit card.
- Fail.
- Attempt to check in at Delta kiosk using entirely different kiosk.
- Fail.
- Debate having a nosebleed all over Delta kiosk, and instead try confirmation number, which works.
- Nearly have a coronary when successful checkin then asks for passport scan.
- Get on plane.
- Fly to Detroit.
- Walk to appropriate gate at Detroit, pausing for breakfast.
- Note that they're lined up 20 deep at the Einstein Brothers bagel stand, and decide to be afraid.
- Listen to announcement at gate that our flight crew is trapped in Tulsa, and won't be arriving until 12:30. Delta promises to try to find another flight crew, but, well, no promises.
- Half an hour later, listen to announcement that there will be no alternate crew, we'll be leaving at 12:30, and that under no circumstances should anyone leave the gate area because we might get another flight crew and leave before 12:30.
- Watch everyone leave the gate area.
- Send details of holdup to beloved spouse. Beloved spouse suggests turning around and coming home before plane gets eaten by Godzilla.
- Confess that beloved spouse has a point.
- Eventually, get on plane.
- Sit on plane.
- Sit on plane a while longer.
- Sit on plane until captain announces that the jetbridge is stuck and we're not going anywhere until they unstick it.
- Resist urge to suggest they try soap and hot water.
- Sit a while longer.
- Sit even longer.
- Listen to announcement that there is a new development, in that there are checked bags belonging to passengers who did not appear to get on the plane. As such, the TSA is removing the bags.
- Realize that this means unpacking and repacking entire plane.
- Mention this to beloved spouse over IM.
- Beloved spouse makes more noises about inevitability of being nommed by Godzilla.
- Eventually, and without fanfare, take off.
- Land in Toronto. Go through customs. Get luggage. Get nosebleed. Reflect on circular nature of life.
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- Richard Dansky (
rdansky) wrote,